My little Orcs and Goblins,
It is a well known fact that I am classy and stylish in every sense of the word. Why, once, I went undercover to study the homelessness situation in the Nomads of the Saharan deserts and even there, I was voted as the best dressed person. Granted, I was the only person who was dressed in a full tuxedo, but that is beside the point.
This week however caught me a bit off guard. You see, this trip was a long one with the availability of laundry questionable in the latter half of the trip, I neglected to pack clothing that would fit right in with Gosford Park's gathering. While the majority of the time, I was fine (mostly.... and really, I blame the goddamn cockatoos for that). This dress down policy however was called into trouble last wednesday. You see, I was invited to a member's exclusive club in London. The lovely Vij, bravely stole one of her husband's, (the equally lovely KB) shirts and bade me to don the garb. Surprisingly, it fit. Under this clever guise, I was admitted into a fancy place. I have since decided that as I will be ruling you all, it is only fitting that I steal this idea, bring it back to Toronto (or Xanadia as I am calling it these days). I will now take questions from you, the imaginary audience.
Yes, you in the front row with the Amy Winehouse tribute shirt?
What will the decor be like?
I will allow my words to paint you a picture. Think of a beautiful large lovely sitting room.... make it darker and smaller... Is it dark and small yet?
Wonderful.... make it darker, and smaller.
Can you see in front of you? Good....
Make it darker and smaller.... Fantastic. Ok. Now, cover everything in leather.
"what? even the walls?"
Yes, you little peasant. How you managed to speak with such poor grammar is beyond me, but yes, even the walls. And definitely the tables as well. Make sure that it is snake leather and not that cheap cow leather. Aha, an inspiration strikes me. Make sure to cover it in ostrich leather. It is white, and will contrast the black/red snake leather quite well. And you see that tiny alcove there. Put a chandelier in there. *PERFECT*
Yes, you dressed as Rupert Murdoch.
What about food?
Good question Rupert, but let me ask you one in return. Does it matter? I mean it is a member's club. Give them expensive drinks first, and then call the food "fusion cuisine". The thing about fusion food is that even if it tastes bad, one can attribute it to one of the parents who birthed the unholy abomination.
Any entertainment?
Michael Jackson, is that you? Ooops, sorry Lord Voldemort. It was the nose that threw me off. Entertainment. What do people like? Celebrities.... done. Get a few C-listers from a crappy Television show. The apprentice should do.... combine it with some very talented but under appreciated lounge singers who while crooning will make sporadic eye contact with the guys in the audience thus making them feel like a million bucks. And to top it all off, burlesque dancers. That always works.
Is that the smell of a successful business venture? Nope... sorry, it was the fusion food again. Or was it?
Till next time,
@damookman
It is a well known fact that I am classy and stylish in every sense of the word. Why, once, I went undercover to study the homelessness situation in the Nomads of the Saharan deserts and even there, I was voted as the best dressed person. Granted, I was the only person who was dressed in a full tuxedo, but that is beside the point.
This week however caught me a bit off guard. You see, this trip was a long one with the availability of laundry questionable in the latter half of the trip, I neglected to pack clothing that would fit right in with Gosford Park's gathering. While the majority of the time, I was fine (mostly.... and really, I blame the goddamn cockatoos for that). This dress down policy however was called into trouble last wednesday. You see, I was invited to a member's exclusive club in London. The lovely Vij, bravely stole one of her husband's, (the equally lovely KB) shirts and bade me to don the garb. Surprisingly, it fit. Under this clever guise, I was admitted into a fancy place. I have since decided that as I will be ruling you all, it is only fitting that I steal this idea, bring it back to Toronto (or Xanadia as I am calling it these days). I will now take questions from you, the imaginary audience.
Yes, you in the front row with the Amy Winehouse tribute shirt?
What will the decor be like?
I will allow my words to paint you a picture. Think of a beautiful large lovely sitting room.... make it darker and smaller... Is it dark and small yet?
Wonderful.... make it darker, and smaller.
Can you see in front of you? Good....
Make it darker and smaller.... Fantastic. Ok. Now, cover everything in leather.
"what? even the walls?"
Yes, you little peasant. How you managed to speak with such poor grammar is beyond me, but yes, even the walls. And definitely the tables as well. Make sure that it is snake leather and not that cheap cow leather. Aha, an inspiration strikes me. Make sure to cover it in ostrich leather. It is white, and will contrast the black/red snake leather quite well. And you see that tiny alcove there. Put a chandelier in there. *PERFECT*
Yes, you dressed as Rupert Murdoch.
What about food?
Good question Rupert, but let me ask you one in return. Does it matter? I mean it is a member's club. Give them expensive drinks first, and then call the food "fusion cuisine". The thing about fusion food is that even if it tastes bad, one can attribute it to one of the parents who birthed the unholy abomination.
Any entertainment?
Michael Jackson, is that you? Ooops, sorry Lord Voldemort. It was the nose that threw me off. Entertainment. What do people like? Celebrities.... done. Get a few C-listers from a crappy Television show. The apprentice should do.... combine it with some very talented but under appreciated lounge singers who while crooning will make sporadic eye contact with the guys in the audience thus making them feel like a million bucks. And to top it all off, burlesque dancers. That always works.
Is that the smell of a successful business venture? Nope... sorry, it was the fusion food again. Or was it?
Till next time,
@damookman
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