In this one I liveblog Northern Ireland

Oh hello,

I didn't see you there. As you lovely sinners all know, the Republic of Ireland is near and close to my heart. This is in part due to the fact that I am in it, but also due to the fact that Northern Ireland turned out to be a massive let down. Please join me as I and my faithful sidekick MT  as we tour around Northern Ireland. In italics are the accurate descriptions of the locations provided to us by the trusty guide "The AA best drives of Ireland" and our experiences which were recorded by my photographic memory. In this case the use of the word guide is about as reliable as my memory. That should not bode well for anyone. 

In this one I crack the code of ancient Irish

Sometimes, I shock myself. As the smarter of you lot might have figured out, I am in Ireland. The Emerald Isles are truly a gorgeous place. The vistas are truly awe-inspiring and, hell, the cliffs of Moher are alone worth a post. I am not going to write the post, because, well, I am lazy but I stand by my initial assessment that the place is phenomenal.

But since I can bitch about anything, I had a few questions to the ancient Irish. Why? Why did you put stone walls EVERYWHERE? I do not mean here and there. I mean everywhere. I mean look at Inishmaan on the Aran Islands. (Photo courtesy of Chris Hill at Pixdaus)

You see those lines, they are all walls. The entire island is full of them. Why? I was perplexed my little toucans. And then I put my 984 years worth of brain cells to work. With the processing power far exceeding the earliest computers, my brain told me "Mate, why do jersey cows look like that?" I promptly discarded it's answer as useless and turned my keen eye towards the country side. More walls, but hidden here and there were ruined keeps and castles. Abandoned towers and look out points (all made with more rocks) festooned the landscape. And then it hit me.

The ancient Irish, were great builders. Certainly the predecessors to Ikea, given their skill at assembling said buildings with rock and nothing but a rock (save a pickaxe which can be likened to an ancient allen key) they built these buildings and walls everywhere. The problem was that no one told them about the good spots to put said walls and buildings. I like to think of the ancient Irish as a band of enthusiastic nomadic DIYers going from village to village constructing castles and keeps. To thank people for food, or to warn other tribes of nomadic DIYers from entering villages or even specific houses they built these walls. These facts seem to fit my observation. Consequently, any further research in to this subject is pointless and not required.

As I said, sometimes I shock myself.... WITH BRILLIANCE.

Stay tuned as I live-blog MT and my experiences with sight seeing in Ireland.

In this one I steal ideas to start my own members exclusive club

My little Orcs and Goblins,

It is a well known fact that I am classy and stylish in every sense of the word. Why, once, I went undercover to study the homelessness situation in the Nomads of the Saharan deserts and even there, I was voted as the best dressed person. Granted, I was the only person who was dressed in a full tuxedo, but that is beside the point.