In this one I discover that the sea is salty

How to calmly abandon people

So what does one do on an island paradise? One finds a remote part of said island and goes snorkelling of course. I was informed of this fact by a local named Ian, the minute he saw me step foot on the beach. He did sort of ruin the moment where I see an ocean for the first time in my life (readers will remember I am 193 years old). So I did what comes naturally to me. I glowered, bared my teeth, unleashed my adamantium claws and tried to walk away.

In this one I stop looking at roadside crabs

One might argue that I am a fairly worldly traveller. While they would be as wrong as Sarah Palin is about everything, they, much like her, have the right to argue this point. It turns out that despite my best efforts at being totally awesome, this visit I truly felt awed by what all is left for me to see in this world. After all, this was the first time I was going to see an ocean. Little know fact, oceans are also known as the giant-blue-portions-on-the-world-map-that-I-used-to-think-meant-land. I will personally french-kiss you (whether you want me to or not) if you can get that reference.

Early  into day #1 in St.Lucia I was very excited for my first trip to a beach that did not strongly resemble a bunch of sand that was dumped on a landfill next to a fresh water lake (looking at you here Britannia Beach).

For those not in the know, a beach is not only a place where a terrible Leonardo Di Caprio movie was shot but also a curious phenomenon of nature. This is the place where sun, sand, salt-water come together in a mixture of awesome. It is as spectacular in it’s beauty as a herd of Chihuahuas are terrifying.

I decided after glancing at the *insert superlative here* beach that  I should look strip down and find myself a bench and stop staring at the giant crabs on the road. As cool as the crabs may have been, they were at the end of the day giant insects that move sideways.

At this point in time I bid you, dear reader, a fond adieu. I would talk more but I have some beach chilling to do. If you happen to find yourself in St. Lucia, and you stumble upon a young, handsome, ripped, brown blogger who is staring at giant crabs who are impudently crossing the road, rest assured, you have not met me.