In this one I liveblog Northern Ireland

Oh hello,

I didn't see you there. As you lovely sinners all know, the Republic of Ireland is near and close to my heart. This is in part due to the fact that I am in it, but also due to the fact that Northern Ireland turned out to be a massive let down. Please join me as I and my faithful sidekick MT  as we tour around Northern Ireland. In italics are the accurate descriptions of the locations provided to us by the trusty guide "The AA best drives of Ireland" and our experiences which were recorded by my photographic memory. In this case the use of the word guide is about as reliable as my memory. That should not bode well for anyone. 

0800

DM: Hey, MT, wake up.... 

MT: *Snurf* What time is it? 

MT: Where am I?

DM: Dublin, baby.... time to start our adventures. 

0815

MT: Why aren't you dressed?

DM: *looks up from his copy of Oprah Magazine* For what? 

MT: Our adventure?!? 

DM: Oh.. You took me seriously? I was just planning to dick around and read books and drink coffee all day. 

0816

DM: There, I am ready. Now can you stop hitting me?

0825

MT: The car rental costs only 300 euros for the week? Excellent.

*MT is the given the bill for the car rental*

MT: How did the 300 euro car rental cost me 600 euros? 

DM: Magic? 

MT: !!!

MT: ???

MT: ...

MT: Are you navigating?

DM: Yes. Now which way is the North star. I need it to be nightfall to navigate properly. And also cloudless. 

MT: Yea, we are going to take that GPS option as well, please. 

0905

DM: WHEEEE... TOAD RIPPPPP. I mean road trip. 

0910

DM: Are we there yet?

MT: We haven't even loaded our car yet.

1000

*On route to Enniskillen, Northern Ireland*

DM: Ooh... Ahhh.... DUDDDEEEE.... 

MT: I know right? 

1025 

DM: Enniskillen seems really far away doesn't it? I think we might have to revise our plans of going touring there today... 

MT: We are here. 

1030

Check into the hotel. 

1031

MT: Right, so what's first on the hitlist? 

DM: Ok. So "The AA best drives of Ireland" says that we should do this loop starting at Devenish. 

The Guide: "Take a ferry from Trory to get to the Devenish Island. Across the silvery water is one of the most important monastic sites in Ulster, founder by St. Molaise in the 6th century. The round tower is regarded as the one of the finest in Ireland, beautifully proportioned with a fine cut of stone and precision of line...."

MT: So, how do we get there?

DM: We take a ferry from Trory. 

MT: Unfortunately, we happen to be in Trory. There appears to be no ferry. I see an airport, but no ferries. 

DM: I also see no lake with silvery water. Did we miss it? 

MT: What? You think we missed a lake, a giant tower and a ferry jetty. No, it must be just ahead. 

1040

MT: I think we may have missed it. 

DM: Should we go back?

MT: Nah, what's next?

The guide: "Castle Archdale. With a marina, caravan sites, a youth hostel and recreational activities, Castle Archdale is one of the busiest places around Lough Erne... blah blah.... The ruins of the castle can be seen in the forest....

DM: Hells yea, I totally want to see a ruined castle. *Starts humming the theme to Lord of the Rings*

1045

DM: Ummm... Is this it? 

MT: I think so?!?!?

DM: This is just a wall. I mean it is clear that it belonged to a castle at some point in time, but currently, it very much appears to be just a wall. 

MT: I.... maybe the rest is in the forest?

DM: What, so you think they built the castle, then decided to move it, started with the first three walls but then forgot the fourth? 

MT: ..... It's possible. 

DM: OOOhhh.  Let's go look. 

1055

DM: So we found the jetty, the marina, the youth hostel, and the recreational facilities.

MT: Do you mean the toilets?

DM: The recreational facilities.... but no remainder of Castle Archdale. 

MT: So, thus far we set out to see two things. And we succeeded at exactly seeing neither of them. Our failure rate is 100%. What's next? I am already beginning to hate this guide book.

DM: I am quite despondent, however, the book assures me that Castle Caldwell is awesome. 

1200

DM: There it is. I see the sign for the castle. 

MT: Right. Where is it? 

DM: Maybe just behind this overgrown hedge?

MT: You know there is something weird about this hedge.

DM: You mean the way it is completely manicured and in the shape of a castle wal... oh no. It is it the castle isn't it? I mean they have grown shrubbery where the castle walls would have stood haven't they? They have then gone ahead and then shaped the thing to be a castle, haven't they? *Sob*

MT: Hmmm. *walks around the entire castle* They grew a castle. I didn't even think that was possible. They freaking grew a castle using bushes. 

DM: I am pretty sure bushes are not known for their ability to repel enemy soldiers. 

MT: No, but A+ for using the materials available to them. 

DM: I really hate this book. 

1210

MT: I really want to check this guide out. *reads for a bit* You know this thing is about as creative as your liveblogs are. Listen to this about Monea.... 

The guide: There are still remnants of the bawn wall that surrounded the castle and an ancient Crannog (DM: What the heck is a crannog? MT: Shut it) or artificial island dwelling can be picked out on the marsh. 

MT: So what do you think that would look like?

DM: Holy crap. A sunken castle in a marsh. That sounds cool. 

MT: No, think like this book and based upon your experiences. 

DM: Oh no. It is a wall that fell down on some damp ground isn't it?

MT: Bingo.

DM: I want to go and get drunk. 

MT: Let's go. 

1600

DM: So what have we learned today?

MT: That we are quite drunk. 

DM: Correct. But more importedly impotently importantly about Northern Ireland the thing that I learned was that the term Castle is used rather loosely here. I mean, I am no ancient architect or battle engineer, but one walled castles, missing ferries, and bushy castles do not make defensible positions or great tourist attractions.  

MT: Man, this book is full of lies. Tomorrow, we are going to see an Abbey. And this time we know it exists. They have a picture of it in this book.