Starring in this live blog is Mr. KB and your lovely brown blogger. Come join us as we take you on an adventure through the mecca of cricket, Lords Cricket Ground.
These events are largely based upon factual events. (Sort of)
0800 GMT
KB: And rising slowly to conciousness is my erstwhile colleague Mr. Damookman
DM: Go suck a lemon. I need to sleep.
0815
DM: Ok. I am up. What now?
KB: We should pick up snacks for the ground.
DM: I am going back to bed.
*DM gets kicked*
0900
DM: Right, so we are ready.
KB: Correct you are. Starting towards the pavillion end are the two of us.
DM: Talk like Yoda you do.
0905
DM: Shit, I forgot my wallet
0906
DM: Shit, I forgot my iPod
0907
DM: Shit, I forgot my keys.
KB: You don't f********g need your keys. You are staying at my place.
0915
DM: This tube train is a lot smaller and cleaner
KB: *Shakes head*
0945
DM: Hey, there are a lot of people here. I think we might all be going to the same thing.
KB: *Shakes head*
1000
DM and KB: *Squuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
1030
DM and KB: *Fanboy excitement* followed by one-upmanship on sports trivia
1100
DM: Holy crap KB. We have Praveen Kumar from this end.
KB: There is a fat guy beside me.
DM: I know same here. Thank god, we are skinny.
Fat guys: We can hear you.
1115
DM: I am hungry
1116
DM: I am hungry
1117
DM: I am hungry
1118
DM: I am hu....
KB: SHUT UP AND EAT A BANANA
*Om, nom nom nom*
1119
DM: I am hun....
KB: I hate you.
1120
*Wicket falls*
DM: Holy shit. Did you see that? That was amazing.
KB: I want instant replay.
DM: This is life. Sadly, it does not have instant replay.
1135:
DM: Yo, Ishant is on fire. I am going to dance for his good luck.
KB: We are in Lord's, not Patiala. Sit down.
DM: *starts to dance*
Fat guy: Your elbow is in my face.
DM: Sorry sir. *sits down*
1200:
KB: So shall we look more around the ground.
DM: This has been an intense session man. Are you sure?
KB: Yea. Let's go.
DM: Excuse me large person, could you let us pass.
*Clear the aisle and suddenly unrelatedly a wicket falls*
KB: Oh man. I missed that. Action replay.
DM: I thought I already explained how life worked. Should I replay that speech?
1215:
DM: I totally need a T-Shirt that says that I was here.
KB: Check the price.
DM: I totally do not need a T-Shirt that says that I was here.
1217
KB: We should beat the lunch time rush
DM: Agreed. What are you getting?
KB: Fish and Chips. You?
DM: STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE.
*DM lines up and realizes that it is already too long*
DM: Hmm. Jamie Olivers's wagon is strangely empty. I will have a "bap" please.
*looks at his sandwich*
DM: What is that green stuff?
Jamie Oliver's helper: Arugula
DM: Bless you. No seriously, why is there green stuff with my beef?
1225
KB: That does not look like steak and kidney pie to me.
DM: That does not look like fish to me.
KB: Tru-che
1227
DM: I am going to buy you a pint of Pimms, man.
KB: But I want Ice Cream.
DM: Shut up. I am getting you alcohol.
KB: Shouldn't we be watching a cricket game?
1228:
DM: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A PINT OF PIMMS IS TEN POUNDS?
1229:
DM: Here is your f******g Pimms.
*KB sips it*
KB: This tastes like shitty cough syrup.
*DM starts sobbing*
1240
DM: Um... This is now getting crowded.
KB: I know. I have 8 people standing on me.
DM: I knew that there was something different about you today.
1400
KB: Ok, back to cricket.
DM: Yes. Look, it's that brown guy... whatsisname.... Nasser Hussain?
KB: Nope. Try again.
DM: Regardless, he is bowling from the pavillion end to that white guy. Whossit..... Ah yes, Nasser Hussain.
KB: *shakes his head in disappointment*
1415
KB: zzzzzzzzz
DM: Wake up, you arse.
1420
DM: zzzzzzzzz
KB: Wake up you arse.
1430
DM: zzzzzzzzzz
KB: zzzzzzzzzz
1440
*roar of the crowd*
DM & KB: *snort* WHAAAAA.... Oh shit, yea cricket.
1500
KB: Man, England is destroying us. Eat something. A wicket always fall when you do that.
DM: A bag of crisps would be awesome.
KB: EAT FASTER.
*no wicket falls*
KB: You are failing at eating and getting us a wicket. You fail at everything.
1600
KB: Tea time
DM: Why do they call it tea time? No one drinks tea anymore and there are no f******g cucumber sandwiches around either.
KB: Ice cream?
DM: YEAAAAA
1605:
*In the line for ice cream*
1610
*In the line for ice cream*
1620*In the line for ice cream*
1640
*In the line for ice cream*
DM: This better be the greatest ice cream in the world.
1645
Operation Ice-cream get = huge success
DM: This is the worst Ice Cream I have ever had.
*KB starts sobbing*
1700
DM: 2 more hours to go.
KB: I am so tense
DM: That is probably because Nasser Hussain is not playing.
KB: He retired like 10 years ago man..... Let that joke go. It's not working.
1800
DM: I have run out of nails to chew man. This is too tense.
KB: I know. I haven't closed my eyes now for 10 mins.
DM: I think you need to blink man.
KB: Nah, I am pretty sure human eyes don't actually need blinking.
1900
DM: Phew. Ok day 3 is done. Would you like to thank our audience for joining us?
KB: What audience?
DM: I have been live blogging this entire match.
KB: On what? You left your iPhone, you have no computer... how are you "live logging" anything?
DM: I have the greatest computer *taps his head*
KB: Okkk then...... So shall I be expecting massive discrepancies on what actually happened and what you will type?
DM: Yes.
KB: In that case, thank you ladies, gentlemen and pleasant unicorns for joining us on a "live jog" from Lords, which I am sure will be posted many days after the match actually ends.
These events are largely based upon factual events. (Sort of)
0800 GMT
KB: And rising slowly to conciousness is my erstwhile colleague Mr. Damookman
DM: Go suck a lemon. I need to sleep.
0815
DM: Ok. I am up. What now?
KB: We should pick up snacks for the ground.
DM: I am going back to bed.
*DM gets kicked*
0900
DM: Right, so we are ready.
KB: Correct you are. Starting towards the pavillion end are the two of us.
DM: Talk like Yoda you do.
0905
DM: Shit, I forgot my wallet
0906
DM: Shit, I forgot my iPod
0907
DM: Shit, I forgot my keys.
KB: You don't f********g need your keys. You are staying at my place.
0915
DM: This tube train is a lot smaller and cleaner
KB: *Shakes head*
0945
DM: Hey, there are a lot of people here. I think we might all be going to the same thing.
KB: *Shakes head*
1000
DM and KB: *Squuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
1030
DM and KB: *Fanboy excitement* followed by one-upmanship on sports trivia
1100
DM: Holy crap KB. We have Praveen Kumar from this end.
KB: There is a fat guy beside me.
DM: I know same here. Thank god, we are skinny.
Fat guys: We can hear you.
1115
DM: I am hungry
1116
DM: I am hungry
1117
DM: I am hungry
1118
DM: I am hu....
KB: SHUT UP AND EAT A BANANA
*Om, nom nom nom*
1119
DM: I am hun....
KB: I hate you.
1120
*Wicket falls*
DM: Holy shit. Did you see that? That was amazing.
KB: I want instant replay.
DM: This is life. Sadly, it does not have instant replay.
1135:
DM: Yo, Ishant is on fire. I am going to dance for his good luck.
KB: We are in Lord's, not Patiala. Sit down.
DM: *starts to dance*
Fat guy: Your elbow is in my face.
DM: Sorry sir. *sits down*
1200:
KB: So shall we look more around the ground.
DM: This has been an intense session man. Are you sure?
KB: Yea. Let's go.
DM: Excuse me large person, could you let us pass.
*Clear the aisle and suddenly unrelatedly a wicket falls*
KB: Oh man. I missed that. Action replay.
DM: I thought I already explained how life worked. Should I replay that speech?
1215:
DM: I totally need a T-Shirt that says that I was here.
KB: Check the price.
DM: I totally do not need a T-Shirt that says that I was here.
1217
KB: We should beat the lunch time rush
DM: Agreed. What are you getting?
KB: Fish and Chips. You?
DM: STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE.
*DM lines up and realizes that it is already too long*
DM: Hmm. Jamie Olivers's wagon is strangely empty. I will have a "bap" please.
*looks at his sandwich*
DM: What is that green stuff?
Jamie Oliver's helper: Arugula
DM: Bless you. No seriously, why is there green stuff with my beef?
1225
KB: That does not look like steak and kidney pie to me.
DM: That does not look like fish to me.
KB: Tru-che
1227
DM: I am going to buy you a pint of Pimms, man.
KB: But I want Ice Cream.
DM: Shut up. I am getting you alcohol.
KB: Shouldn't we be watching a cricket game?
1228:
DM: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A PINT OF PIMMS IS TEN POUNDS?
1229:
DM: Here is your f******g Pimms.
*KB sips it*
KB: This tastes like shitty cough syrup.
*DM starts sobbing*
1240
DM: Um... This is now getting crowded.
KB: I know. I have 8 people standing on me.
DM: I knew that there was something different about you today.
1400
KB: Ok, back to cricket.
DM: Yes. Look, it's that brown guy... whatsisname.... Nasser Hussain?
KB: Nope. Try again.
DM: Regardless, he is bowling from the pavillion end to that white guy. Whossit..... Ah yes, Nasser Hussain.
KB: *shakes his head in disappointment*
1415
KB: zzzzzzzzz
DM: Wake up, you arse.
1420
DM: zzzzzzzzz
KB: Wake up you arse.
1430
DM: zzzzzzzzzz
KB: zzzzzzzzzz
1440
*roar of the crowd*
DM & KB: *snort* WHAAAAA.... Oh shit, yea cricket.
1500
KB: Man, England is destroying us. Eat something. A wicket always fall when you do that.
DM: A bag of crisps would be awesome.
KB: EAT FASTER.
*no wicket falls*
KB: You are failing at eating and getting us a wicket. You fail at everything.
1600
KB: Tea time
DM: Why do they call it tea time? No one drinks tea anymore and there are no f******g cucumber sandwiches around either.
KB: Ice cream?
DM: YEAAAAA
1605:
*In the line for ice cream*
1610
*In the line for ice cream*
1620*In the line for ice cream*
1640
*In the line for ice cream*
DM: This better be the greatest ice cream in the world.
1645
Operation Ice-cream get = huge success
DM: This is the worst Ice Cream I have ever had.
*KB starts sobbing*
1700
DM: 2 more hours to go.
KB: I am so tense
DM: That is probably because Nasser Hussain is not playing.
KB: He retired like 10 years ago man..... Let that joke go. It's not working.
1800
DM: I have run out of nails to chew man. This is too tense.
KB: I know. I haven't closed my eyes now for 10 mins.
DM: I think you need to blink man.
KB: Nah, I am pretty sure human eyes don't actually need blinking.
1900
DM: Phew. Ok day 3 is done. Would you like to thank our audience for joining us?
KB: What audience?
DM: I have been live blogging this entire match.
KB: On what? You left your iPhone, you have no computer... how are you "live logging" anything?
DM: I have the greatest computer *taps his head*
KB: Okkk then...... So shall I be expecting massive discrepancies on what actually happened and what you will type?
DM: Yes.
KB: In that case, thank you ladies, gentlemen and pleasant unicorns for joining us on a "live jog" from Lords, which I am sure will be posted many days after the match actually ends.
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