Ah, hello. I did not see you there. Welcome back, my lovely baby-lampreys. So as I promised, I have begin my journeys once again.
As many of you might already know, thanks to some lovely long term planning, I never legally got my license. Yes, despite my advanced age of 978 years, I never got around to getting one of those legal things that allows me to drive a big thing with four (sometimes 12) wheels. To the rescue comes my good friend Eric "Fatal Seige" C. As an avid cyclist who was once dropped by a lycra clad retiree (the same one who constantly dropped me last year. Click here if you need reminding.) Fatal Seige was totally up for taking a trip to... wait for it... Lake Placid, New York.
"Lake Placid?" Yes, my lovely upstream swimming Salmons, Lake Placid. Nestled up in the Adirondacks Mountains in Upstate New York is this athletic paradise. The site of two, yes count them, two winter Olympic games. But that will come in the next post.
I should point out that Mr. Fatal Siege lives in the hamlet of Kitchener. With barely 200,000 people, it is sometimes literally minutes before the Seige sees another soul. Mr. Fatal, as he is known to his friends, also decided that working before driving 10 hours was a great idea. So Fatal comes over to Toronto whereupon we strap two bikes on his trusty steed (also known as a car). Install a G.P.S (stands for Guppy Placing System) which on top of placing Guppies should theoretically also tell you how to get to point B from A. After a brief food break, we left.
During the journey we discovered things which I shall now insist that you know and memorize or I will beat you... with sharks.
1) The GPS, is pretty bad at placing guppies but is even worse at telling you how to get from point A to point B. Mostly because it assumes you are starting from point C which is nowhere close to point B. However, it insisted on guiding us from Point C to Point A to Point B. Due to the piles of dead guppies and it's insistence of wanting us to start from Point C, it was soon abandoned and shot with a murderous tiger which had been expelled out of a howitzer.
2) Enroute to the land of the Free, we decided to get some caffeine. To facilitate the flow of said goodness, we stopped at a Tim Hortons and were served by a person with one eyebrow. It turns out that Unibrows hate devilishly handsome bloggers with a killer smile, and Eric. Insults to the Siege aside, Unibrow-Man took the same approach to coffee as Jackson Pollock to painting. By which I mean, coffee was not only in the cups, but on the cups, counters, co-workers, lids, small children, the elderly, and my mother (really surprising since she was not actually travelling with us). Unibrow-Man handed us cups that were leaking and covered in brown syrup. Origins of the brown syrup were not immediately recognizable but it was quite tasty.
3) Dick-Punching is a good way of showing how much you respect a person and should become the new way of greeting old friends. Enough said.
4) After 12 hours of driving, everything seems funny, but you are also prone to bouts of spontaneous crying about cats.
Next post: Oh god. So much RAIN.
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