In this one raindrops keep falling on my head

Good evening my adorable Parameciums,

Let me tell you a story about little @damookman. Little @damookman was an avid sprinter and loved to read about physics. He learned at a very young age that when when one travels close to the speed of light, the traveller gets tunnel vision due to the vagaries of physics unicorn blood-magic. He also learned at a young age that running down a hill meant running way faster than his body could ever manage on a flat surface. It was during one such run that he started to experience Tunnel Vision. Instead of stopping like any sane living creature would, little @damookman assumed that he was nearing the speed of light and then wondered why he was lying on grass with red liquid secreting out of new orifices in his body. Needless to say it was confusing. Through careful study of unicorn blood-magic, I chalked it up to the fact that running at the speed of light causes your blood to freak out and it wants to run away from your success at mocking mother nature.

In this one a chalet gets in the way

Before I start, I must congratulate my erstwhile torturers friends MT, KT, LM and GP who kicked the Mt Ventoux’s bottom.The quickest time recorded was by LM @2:12 followed closely by KT who did it in the exact same time albeit with more rest periods.

The ride began on a beautiful day with nary a cloud to be seen. This caused a great deal of consternation within the group as ideas of rain/hail/snow/sleet were quickly ruled out. Breakfast was consumed with the same enthusiasm as a person who is about to walk the green mile consuming his last meal prepared by the cafeteria staff. Thankfully, the cafeteria staff in question was LM and his lovely wife HM who made sure that we were fed food fit for a king (or Prince Chuck anyway). With my excuses for wanting to take a nap instead of climbing a mountain dismissed as malarky, we set off.

In this one I wake up in Bedoin.

How to describe Bedoin? Picture a storm ravaged coastline replete with massive mongooses. Bedoin is nothing like that. Bedoin is more like a tranquil shark with blue skies, remoras and mountains surrounding it. As I sit poolside, listening to wind pass through the surrounding trees, I feel completely at ease.

We all went on a 20-odd kilometer ride through the Pyrenian mountains to the neighboring city of Malaucene. A lumpy ride during which I was attacked by retirees in spandex verbally and by vicious chihuahuas physically. But perseverance is the key here as evidenced by this picture. This picture was taken when I was racing to save a puppy from drowning in a lake up the road. While details are sketchy, this image is not altered in anyway shape or form^**.

The ride was followed by a quick shower and a sojourn into the village to hunt Baguettes and Beer. Beer was obtained, along with a coffee based drink that looked confusing. Confusing because it came with tassels. Delicious regardless of its form this was consumed with much rapidity. Now I am waiting for dinner. I am right chuffed about it. For tomorrow, we suffer.


^** Image completely doctored. Any resemblance to any such events occurring at that time are purely coincidental. 

The one where I freeze myself for science.

Dear lemming-esque followers of my musings,

Today I cryogenically freeze my body. I shall attempt to ride this frigid, almost tundra like day on my beloved Trek 1.5 (2009). 

So why am I riding today? Is it because that cold air can act as a good replacement for Botox treatments to keep my youthful appeareance err.. appearing youthful? Not that I need it of course, I am after all a sprightly 210 years of age, and have been told that I can pass for a 200 year old. 

No, it is because I am attempting MONT VENTOUX *da dum dum*

To all my non-bikey readers, this (referring to the picture of Mont Ventoux) seems like a normal hill and would appear as a "what's the big deal?" moment. First of all, I would strongly encourage you all to start riding so that you understand how hills work and secondly, you see the greenish thing under the tower? That is about 23 km away from where this picture is taken from, and over a kilometer and a half straight up. 

The pain that this is going to cause is going to be epic. It is to steel myself against the pain that I am going to wilingly freeze myself. Oh goody, it is only -8 °C (-16 °C with windchill) today. 

Ugh.