In this one I head to the Frozen North

Hello my lovely aardvarks,

Her snifter is more powerful than the force

It has been a while, has it not? Well, turns out my travel season began a bit late this year. In fact, I went to lake Placid just two weeks ago. However, other than this furry little beast very little was different. So I might delve into that in some later posts.

Yes, I said later. I also said I might. And as you all know, I am a lovely handsome blogger who keeps my word... sometimes.

But, my lovely Baobabs, why this missive? Well it turns out, I am on a road trip. This road trip, I will be covering close to 2000 kms over three days along with my lovely girlfriend and the fuzzy one pictured on the right.

Things I discover, I am sure are of value not only to you, but also to the generations that have not yet come to pass. I have put them in a list as I have to dumb it down for that one reader of mine. You know who you are. Yes... you.... stop looking around.

• There is no permafrost north of Toronto. I know, I know. It's hard to believe that 1 hour outside of Toronto is not covered with a layer of snow, older than... me, I suppose. 
• A pack of wolves did not randomly attack me when I stopped to take a "comfort break". I have been watching a lot of cycling, and when they pee, they call it a comfort break. I am on occasion known to ride a bike, and dress in tight spandex. Sometimes, I do the two activities together. Therefore, I see no reason to not adopt this vernacular. But back to the topic, no wolf attacks. This made me particularly happy, as I was advised that since bears eat wolves, I would not be attacked by bears either. Of course, the more I thought about the sillier it sounded. I mean if there were no wolves, the bears would be super hungry and might consider eating handsome, bald bloggers.  
• My dog is awesome. Enough said about that. This might not help the later generations as much. Unless you can clone my dog, in which case, can you clone me as well? I would like to play with my dog again. Thanks. 
• The quality of coffee is directly proportional to how far I am away from the centre of the city. 
• Spiders. Why are there spiders? 
• Rain is apocalyptic up north. I mean just look at this.  

I think that is all I have for you little munchkins for this evening. But stay tuned as I head over to meet my girlfriend's parents for the first time. This travel blog should take an interesting turn then. 

yours in warm custard, 

@damookman.

In this one I wake up in Bedoin.

How to describe Bedoin? Picture a storm ravaged coastline replete with massive mongooses. Bedoin is nothing like that. Bedoin is more like a tranquil shark with blue skies, remoras and mountains surrounding it. As I sit poolside, listening to wind pass through the surrounding trees, I feel completely at ease.

We all went on a 20-odd kilometer ride through the Pyrenian mountains to the neighboring city of Malaucene. A lumpy ride during which I was attacked by retirees in spandex verbally and by vicious chihuahuas physically. But perseverance is the key here as evidenced by this picture. This picture was taken when I was racing to save a puppy from drowning in a lake up the road. While details are sketchy, this image is not altered in anyway shape or form^**.

The ride was followed by a quick shower and a sojourn into the village to hunt Baguettes and Beer. Beer was obtained, along with a coffee based drink that looked confusing. Confusing because it came with tassels. Delicious regardless of its form this was consumed with much rapidity. Now I am waiting for dinner. I am right chuffed about it. For tomorrow, we suffer.


^** Image completely doctored. Any resemblance to any such events occurring at that time are purely coincidental. 

How to calmly abandon people

So what does one do on an island paradise? One finds a remote part of said island and goes snorkelling of course. I was informed of this fact by a local named Ian, the minute he saw me step foot on the beach. He did sort of ruin the moment where I see an ocean for the first time in my life (readers will remember I am 193 years old). So I did what comes naturally to me. I glowered, bared my teeth, unleashed my adamantium claws and tried to walk away.