In this one I steal ideas to start my own members exclusive club

My little Orcs and Goblins,

It is a well known fact that I am classy and stylish in every sense of the word. Why, once, I went undercover to study the homelessness situation in the Nomads of the Saharan deserts and even there, I was voted as the best dressed person. Granted, I was the only person who was dressed in a full tuxedo, but that is beside the point.

In this one I write an open letter to Paris

My dearest Paris,

We have been through a lot together haven’t we? From the missed trains to the massive monuments. From the statues of mental giants outside of the Louvre to the gorgeous women flashing their intoxicating smiles at me.

What can I say, I love you. While I can never inhabit you, I thank you for allowing me to enjoy your splendor. Your traffic known by lesser travellers as “crazy” was effectively tame wherever I crossed your streets. Your waiters, known for their rudeness, warmed up and welcomed me into their money grabbing clutches as soon as they heard me butcher their beautiful language.